aye aye, it's
yours truly!

What I said when TFFC put me 'ON THE SPOT' on their website

Q1: How did your association with TFFC commence? A1: A junior in my office asked me if I would like to watch his Sunday team play sometime in 1984, I think. I had nothing to do one Sunday so I took the dog for a walk at Bethune Park where I knew his team were playing. The team turned out to be Temple Fortune and they lost in the mud and rain. I can't recall if it was the First Team or Reserves. But I felt sorry for the lad and his team-mates and carried on watching them. A few months later I was asked if I wanted to write an article for The Fortune News, a copy of which my friend had brought to the office previously. I liked what I saw so decided to give it a go.A Q2: What do you recall of your debut? A2: Well, since I've never played for Temple Fortune I can only presume you mean my writing debut! I wrote my first article for one of the first newsletters of the 1985/86 season if I recall. Q3: Tell us about the best goal you have scored for Temple Fortune. A3: Sod off! I never got to play did I, as I explained above. Q4: Who is the best player you’ve seen in Temple Fortune colours? A4: By a mile, Stuart Hyams, of the Micky Mouse Watch fame! (That's a story to tell another time!) No, in all seriousness, and he certainly was no relation to the fairly useless Stuart, it has to be the great Gary Hyams – as gifted a player as has ever graced the Maccabi League I reckon! Q5: When the TFFC kit is being handed out in the dressing room prior to a game, which shirt number do you grab and why? A5: Confession time, folks! I once had really muddy shoes after watching a match at Bethune Park and went by the Temple Fortune dressing room to use the toilets. Most of the players were in the showers so I quickly grabbed a yellow shirt which had been dumped on the floor and used it to clean my shoes! I couldn't see the number because it was covered in heavy mud! That's the only time I've "grabbed" a TFFC shirt! Q6: Have you any superstitions or pre-match rituals/preparations you would like to disclose? (Don’t be shy!) Q6: I make sure I've brought my wellies, umbrella and a flask of coffee, not forgetting a notebook to make notes for possible inclusion in an article. Prior to kick-off, I need a poo and a puff or tow on a cigar! Q7: If you had to pick out your finest moment with the Club, be it winning promotion or a personal award or playing in one particularly amazing match, what would it be? A7: In my first season writing for the newsletter, Temple Fortune won the Second Division championship. I like to think that my journalistic efforts rose player morale and comradeship to such a level, the team performed brilliantly and consistently and went on to capture their bit of glory. So I reckon I played a big part in Temple Fortune's finest achievement to date! Q8: What do you like most about TFFC? A8: I suppose it has to be The Fortune News, a great amateur footie rag to which I've enjoyed making many a fine contribution. Q9: Other than Steve Feiger’s irritating bragging about being the best player in Maccabi football ever, what is your biggest TFFC dislike? A9: A few more pieces of silverware in the old cabinet would have been more welcome over the years. But my biggest gripe has to be my exclusion as a guest writer for certain periods during the past few years. My contributions ceased for quite a while which was a great loss nobody asked me to carry on writing. Q10: Who is the dirtiest or most troublesome player you’ve seen turning out for the Club and why? A10: That No.14 for the Old Gits – the baldy one who flies in recklessly at opponent's ankles and always shouts at people on both sides. Dirty? He makes Vinnie Jones look like a ballet dancer! Peter Kyte, of course! Q11: What is the funniest thing you’ve seen whilst playing for the Club? (Surely you must have at least one amusing tale which you can share with us!) A11: I've got plenty but they're stored away for possible use in a future article – or even a book of my memoirs! Q12: What do you think the Club’s prospects are this season? You can tell us what you think of all three teams – First XI, Second XI and Old Boys XI - rather than just your own. A12: Visit my website and read my views for yourself because I'm not going to repeat them here! Q13: What is your favourite page on the TFFC website? A13: Obviously the link to www.alfredboiler.com! Q14: Regarding professional soccer, which is your favourite… (a) English club team? (b) Scottish club team? (c) Continental club team? A14a: Accrington Stanley (who still play in one of the minor northern leagues). I saw them play years and years ago when they were actually in the Football League Div.3 North and they are my first love. Sadly, they left the League but they're still going strong. A14b: Do they REALLY play football north of the border? It's always a two-team race (or even just one when Celtic are as bad as the rest) and it's SOOOOOOO BORING! Why can't the likes of Hibs and Hearts seriously contest the Premier Division championship just for once? A14c: Mallorca! I love the place and was hugely pleased when the local team reached one of the European Finals a year or two back. Sadly, they lost. Now I follow the fortunes of Lauren who recently joined Arsenal from Real Mallorca. Watch him, he's bloody good as you may have seen in the Olympics). And finally... what they say about me: "ALFRED'S GIVES BRAZEN TO-THE-POINT OPINIONS IN HIS ARTICLES… HE'S UPSET PLAYERS MORE TIMES THAN DAVID WOLFF HAS UPSET PETER KYTE!" TFFC On The Spot "ALFRED'S SON, BAZZA BOILER, ONCE STARTED AN UNOFFICIAL TFFC 'FANZINE' ENTITLED "YELLOW SHIRTS AND RED BUMS" WHICH WAS TO RIVAL THE CLUB'S OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER. AT THE TIME ALFRED WAS STILL GUEST WRITING IN THE FORTUNE NEWS AND POURED PLENTY OF SCORN ON BAZZA'S NEW PUBLICATION. "YELLOW SHIRTS AND RED BUMS" VIRTUALLY DIED A DEATH BEFORE THE FIRST ISSUE COULD FIND ITS WAY INTO THE HANDS OF TFFC CLUB MEMBERS. FORTUNATELY, IT HASN'T REARED ITS UGLY FRONT COVER SINCE!" TFFC On The Spot "ALFRED BOILER? I DON'T TRUST HIM WRITING IN 'THE FORTUNE NEWS' ANYMORE. HE'S UPSET TOO MANY OF OUR PLAYERS. A REAL PAIN IN THE ARSENAL!" Nigel Kyte, TFFC Chairman. Bloody spoil sport! "I THINK STEVE FEIGER IS ALFRED BOILER" Gary Starr, former TF player. Bloody cheek, I've got a brain for starters!

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